Fear is a Liar

Fear has no idea how strong she really is..

In her mind, fear often fabricates that she is too defeated, and battle worn for the next imposing obstacle ahead. What fear doesn’t realize is that even from that place of perceived inadequacy, she can nearly move mountains and slay giants in Noah’s name.

It’s funny the way the world works. Noah had just contracted a stomach bug this week and Noah’s mom had been working hard, sanitizing, organizing a revised schedule for his aides, etc. I had noticed all her work and decided that I wanted to write about her this week. I wasn’t more than a few moments into the blog when she bursts into the room, telling me that our landlord had decided to sell the house we’ve been renting for most of Noah’s life. Not only that, but only a few hours later, I realized that I had contracted the same stomach bug and have been out of commission for most of the last couple days. So, this week my wife has had to deal with a sick Noah & a sick husband as well as spearheading our decision to likely purchase the house we’ve been renting. All this while not missing a day of work and managing our daughter’s care too. Even looking back now I can hardly believe she kept it together.

It’s funny the way she works though. This is her normal. As mentioned in a previous blog, she has some significant health problems, yet she manages to be super-mom, all while fear is telling her that she is less than such. Maybe its because she is somewhat of a perfectionist like me. Maybe I’ve not done a good enough job telling her how amazing she is. Maybe its all that and then some. However, make no mistake – she is mostly responsible for pushing the ball forward on Noah’s care and the never-ending fight for his rights. She fills his gaps in so many areas.

When Noah was first denied aide hours as a preschooler because it was decided that he somehow wasn’t dependent enough, it was her who refused fear’s callous dismissal and scoured the state of Virginia website, finding wording on page 87 of a random document, supporting his case and eventually winning the appeal. When our laughable insurance company cut his hours because a nameless, faceless doctor on their payroll decided he didn’t need them (without regard for his severity), she went to war with fear. She secured letters from his school and his doctor to prepare an appeal. While waiting for the result, we found that we had finally received a waiver spot that will hopefully gain him all the hours he needs.

I find a way to make a difference for Noah in specific, mostly visible ways. She has to find ways to make a difference for him in many, mostly invisible ways. Maybe its because of this that she doesn’t often feel that what she does is enough. But, what she does IS enough.. What you’re doing is enough.. Who you are is more than enough..

Noah and mom actually have a lot in common in this respect. Fear says that they are both not good enough. Fear says that they are not strong enough. Fear says that they will never be enough.

Fear is a liar.