Be willing.

I’ve crossed paths with many people over the years who have said some variation of “I don’t know how you do it. You’re such a strong person. I don’t think I’d handle having a special needs child very well.” While appreciated, I’ve never quite understood that sentiment. Spoiler alert: I’m not very special or even very strong. In fact, I was more or less a selfish jerk a decade or more ago when my son was born (Some might even say I still am!). However, there is one thing that I am, that just might make you think that I am special or strong. I am willing.

Honestly, a significant portion of my interactions with Noah involve him either ignoring me or blowing me off in some way. That is baked into the cake when you're interacting with someone who has autism - especially when that same someone has an intellectual disability. I have to be willing to be ignored in order to find the moments when I am needed. I have to be willing to be blown off in order to find the moments when I am funny. I have to be willing to be hit in order to find the moments where I am pulled in for an incomparable hug. I have to be willing to fail in order to find success. In many ways this is not so different than parenting a neurotypical child. However, I see the difference more vividly with my daughter.

I see how often Noah ignores, blows off and tries to hit his sister. I see how often she fails to connect with him. I see the times when he is upset at something unrelated but takes it out on her, by screaming at her or chasing after her, because she is willing to be in his company so often. Sometimes it truly breaks my heart, because I see how badly she wants him to love her as much as she loves him. I know he does, but he shows it so sparingly. I admire how often she puts herself out there to him and it inspires me to do the same.

You COULD handle having a special needs child well. How? Be willing to be anything to make them smile. Be willing to try anything to ease their anxiety. Be willing to fight anyone for their rights. Be willing to do anything to spread awareness. Be willing to fail, but refuse to. Be willing.